Here you go: yet another bus story to add to my...ahem...impressive collection.
Scene: Monday morning at the bus stop on Rural and Southern. It is cold and rainy and I am hunched up in a ball waiting for the bus. I am not reading a book--as I usually would be--because I don't want to get it wet. (And yes, that is important.) A guy walks up, looks at me, and decides to start a conversation.
Guy: You going to school?
G: You're, what, a freshman?
M: No, I'm actually a senior.
G: [shocked] Really?! No way!
M: Yeah, I graduate in a few months.
G: Wow. So how old are you? Like--21?
M: Yeah. I'm impressed. People usually think I'm 16.
G: I'm really good at guessing ages. And that's not such a bad thing. That means when you're older you'll still look YOUNG! (Yeah, he was excited about that part.)
M: Oh, I'm not complaining. I think it's funny.
G: Guess how old I am.
M: Really? I'm horrible at this. ...Can I give you a range, or does it have to be a number? [I'm thinking either 17 or 20]
G: A number. Come one, just guess.
G: Really close! I'm actually 21--the same as you!
[He sounds much too excited about that similarity as we board the bus. For some reason, I sit in a seat with an open one right beside it. *facepalm*]
G: So, do you have any family, boyfrien--I mean, brothers nearby?
M: Yeah, I have 3 brothers.
G: Oh, cool. Yeah I'm the youngest in my family. It's pretty big.
M: How big?
G: I have 3 sisters and 2 brothers.
M: Oh, I have 2 sisters and 3 brothers. But I'm #5. [trying to downplay the similarity]
G: Hey, I'm #5 in my family too!
M: [puzzled look] Didn't you say you were the youngest?
G: I'm the youngest on my mom's side, but not on my dad's. I like to say that to confuse people.
[Somehow, he brings up that he's going to boot camp to be in the Marines in 4 months.]
M: Marines, huh? That's intense.
G: Yeah. I can't wait to get my uniform. I'm going to wear it to the mall and watch all of the girls hit on me. You know how all girls say they like a guy in uniform.
M: Oh. Nice.
G: Yeah, I don't really have problems getting girls to like me. I have lots of girls who are friends, but not a girlfriend. I just sit and listen to them. They really like that. I probably have like 10 e-mails waiting for me at home from girls who want to talk.
M: Great...so, where are you headed? [trying to be polite]
G: Oh, I'm going home. I just got off work, so I'm just gonna go home and crash.
M: That sounds nice.
G: You could come with me. [hurriedly] Oh, just kidding. Not really.
M: Yeah, I can't. I've got too many classes today.
G: Oh. That's too bad. I'm a really good cuddler.
G: I'm going to guess that you're single?
M: [not sure if I should be offended or not] Yes, I am.
G: I don't see why. You're very beautiful. You have very pretty eyes--they're the first thing I noticed about you.
G: You know, the really bad thing about being single is that you don't have anyone to hold you. You know, when you're sad and just need to cry, there's no one whose shoulder you can cry on.
M: Um, well I haven't had much experience in that department, so I think I'm OK.
G: Wait, I'm going to assume that you've never had a boyfriend?
M: No, I haven't.
G: Why? Were you just not interested, or...?
M: No, it just never worked out that way. Whatever.
G: Oh. So, what do you like to do?
M: I'm boring. ...Umm, I like to read.
G: Well, we kind of have something in common. If only it weren't for video games.
M: Yeah. I usually prefer to watch video games rather than play them. [Obviously was not thinking about that one]
G: [getting excited] Really? I have a bunch of video games at my house. You would probably really like them. I have all kinds of games: action games, adventure games, games where you can do anything you want, like walk up a blow a guy's head off!
G: So, do you have a cell phone?
G: Just "yep"?
M: It's kind of buried at the moment. [In my pocket being squished by my backpack counts as buried, right?]
[Silence for a few feet]
G: So, do you drink?
G: Oh, I would say that I don't either, except I did once. But it was only as a promise to a friend. I promised I would drink with him once. I didn't get drunk or anything. I just had some rum. You know, Coke and rum is actually pretty good!
M: Oh. Well, I stay away from that stuff.
G: I usually do, too. Except for that one time. You know, I didn't want to break my promise. I like to keep my promises. The only time that I would break a promise would be if I promised a friend that I would do something with him and then promised my girlfriend that I would do something with her. I would break the promise with my friend and go with the girlfriend.
M: Oh. [What does he want me to say, "Good for you?"]
G: Yeah. So, would you be OK with giving me your number so I can text you or call you later?
M: You know, I'm sorry, but I'm gonna have to say no. No offense to you...
G: Oh, that's OK. That's OK. You're a bit hesitant. [Yeah, since I don't even know your name, buddy.]
[I know there was something else here, but I can't remember. Use your imagination.]
G: My name's Jeremy, by the way.
M: Mine's Jenny.
G: Really? That's one of my favorite names for a girl! I've always loved that name! You know, when I got to be old enough to think about these things, I decided that I wanted to name one of my daughters Jenny.
G: My mom wanted to name me either Jeremy or John or Justin.
M: She likes "J"-names, huh?
G: No, none of my other siblings have "J"-names.
M: So she just really wanted you to be a "J"?
G: Yeah. You know, Jeremy and Jenny are kind of similar.
M: Yeah, I guess they are. [I can see the bus stop from here. Sadly, we have to wait for the light rail before I can get off.]
G: Are you German?
M: Um, a little bit, I think. Somewhere back there with some other stuff.
G: Oh, so you're a mutt?
M: Uh, I wouldn't put it like that. Just European, you know.
G: I'm full-blooded German...
G: But can I speak German? Nein.
M: [weak smile]
G: That means "no" in German.
M: Yeah, I got that.
G: I like to do that to people to confuse them. Tell them that I don't know any German in German.
M: Yeah, haha... [Luckily we're pulling into the station now]
G: So, do you have a MySpace or MyYearBook page?
M: No, I don't, sorry. [getting up to leave]
G: Oh. Well, have a good day!
M: Thanks, you too. [I hastily make my exit and am left to process that marvelous conversation. Starting with a text to Rhonda...]
And there you have it, folks. Sorry it was so long, but the entire conversation just needed to be documented. Hooray for bus...adventures... (or at least the awesome stories I get from them!)
10 months ago